Cur Non Avatar

Posts tagged sexism

349 Notes

Just want to say this to have said it


I just wrote something like this in an email to friends who told me the latest (I’m off twitter), which is apparently that Ed Champion made a suicidal gesture and is in Bellevue (not confirmed.)

I have a hard time even talking about how terrible the week that he published that rant was for me. A lot of people have tried to tell me that the net effect was positive for my book, but it put me in a position of talking about that rant instead of talking about the book. I hate that. I hate that that happened. I’ll never get that week or month or set of opportunities back; he poisoned them all. The worst part is that as cartoonishly evil and misogynistic and mentally ill as he is, there are still people who are like “well, it was a book review.” “Critics are allowed to call someone a bad writer.” Or worse, that it was a “subtweet war” or a “literary feud.” It was none of those things. It was an attack on women, meant to make us feel threatened and fundamentally unsafe in the online and physical spaces we inhabit. It is so bonkers that we even have to point that out or defend that point of view still, now, in 2014.

I felt fear doing events around publication. Not stage fright, fear for my physical safety. Instead of planning celebrations I was arranging with bookstores and my publisher for adequate security at events. I felt worried that the location of my apartment had been revealed in so many profiles. It’s not like I experienced physical trauma or was tortured but I felt under attack. This wasn’t something that “happened on the internet” or something that could have been avoided by “just unplugging.” Talking to readers, doing events, and promoting books online is my job.

I still haven’t sorted out what kind of damage was done. 


I’m so angry about this. Emily (and Porochista and any other female writer who has felt this way), I have your back.

15 Notes

How Mixing Data And Fashion Can Make Rent The Runway Tech's Next Billion Dollar Star

Five years ago Jennifer Hyman was a 29-year-old Harvard Business School graduate with no experience in fashion or technology, pitching her startup, Rent the Runway, to a boardroom full of partners at a big-time Boston venture capital firm. The idea then, as now, was to buy designer dresses wholesale and rent them, over the Web, for a night or two for a fraction of the price. When Hyman was about to get to the part where she explained how many inventory turns she could get from a Diane von Furstenberg, one of the men interrupted the presentation, cupped her hand in his and said,”You are just too cute. You get this big closet and get to play with all these dresses and can wear whatever you want. This must be so much fun!”

Jesus Chriiiiiiiiiist

4 Notes

This Is What Tech’s Ugly Gender Problem Really Looks Like | Business | WIRED

Oh Jesus.

Shortly after Kathryn Tucker started RedRover, an app that showcases local events for kids, she pitched the idea to an angel investor at a New York tech event. But it didn’t go over well. When she finished her pitch, the investor said he didn’t invest in women.

When she asked why, he told her. “I don’t like the way women think,” he said. “They haven’t mastered linear thinking.” To prove his point, he explained that his wife could never prioritize her to-do lists properly. And then, as if he was trying to compliment her, he told Tucker she was different. “You’re more male,” he said.

825 Notes

I Don't Care If You Like It

Ungggh, this is so good. Bless you, Rebecca Traister. <3

I wish it were different. I wish that every woman whose actions and worth are parsed and restricted, congratulated and condemned in this country might just once get to wheel aroundon the committee that doesn’t believe their medically corroborated story of assault, or on the protesters who tell them that termination is a sin they will regret, or on the boss who tells them he doesn’t believe in their sexual choices, or on the mid-fifties man who congratulates them, or himself, on finding them appealing deep into their dotageand go black in the eyes and say, “I don’t fucking care if you like it.”

40 Notes

Let Me Drive You Home. It's a Bad World Out There.


By Jennifer Cumby


When I was 17, I went away to college. I left a small city and went to the state capital, Richmond, Va., to pursue a degree in theatre.

I was cute. I was savvy. I was smart, full of derring do, and overflowing with confidence.

I made lots of friends—girls and boys.


Awesome new tumblr to follow: “Can we use our collective life experience to be a safe haven for kids who need it? Can we tell stories and answer questions and offer solidarity and resources and maybe break some cycles before they begin? Can we do it with humor and transparency, and without coming across like dorky, hand-wringing moms? After all, so many of us are still those kids.”

597 Notes

SCOTUS admits it doesn’t even believe its own argument in the Hobby Lobby case, and says so in the ruling.


If you read the ruling, SCOTUS even admits that the ruling makes so little sense, that it HAS to be applied solely to the single area of contraceptives, or it becomes even more fucked up:

In any event, our decision in these cases is concerned solely with the contraceptive mandate. Our decision should not be understood to hold that an insurance coverage mandate must necessarily fall if it conflicts with an employer’s religious beliefs. Other coverage requirements, such as immunizations, may be supported by different interests (for example, the need to combat thespread of infectious diseases) and may involve different arguments about the least restrictive means of providing them.

Meaning, the court understands that logically their argument makes no sense in the broad scheme of things, and if you follow the logic it basically puts the US into a feudal system, but if they can carve out this one exception to logic, reason, and the rule of law, they’re okay with doing so.

There’s no reason that a “closely-held” corporation (like 90% of US corps) can’t have a moral religious exception to blood transfusions or organ donations (see: Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example) but those corporations can’t deny coverage of such for “religious exception” under this ruling - it’s just this one category of contraception women’s contraception that can be exempted, because…well, they never really explain why. They’re willing to admit that overall the whole proposition is fucking nutter, but never get around to saying why this one category is so special that it requires the existence of religious exception, aside from it being an area that people have been trying to limit for decades.

Long story short: SCOTUS recognizes the hypocrisy in their decision, and actively carve out denials against the logical extension of their own ruling. THAT’S the most fucked-up part of this whole thing: the five men in favor of this decision have to admit that their logic isn’t sound, and that if taken to it’s logical conclusion would be catastrophic - so instead of asking why their logic isn’t sound, they say “So it only applies to this one area. No others. And only if you really believe. Like…like a lot.”

Ugh Jesus CHRIST.



780 Notes



Women are not taken seriously… They put a man in a dress, and he’s supposed to know what it feels like to be a woman. But of course he doesn’t. I think what Dustin [Hoffman] says is, ‘I realize now how important it is for a woman to be pretty. And I wasn’t pretty.’ God! That’s all you realized? Jesus Christ. ” — Teri Garr

Dustin Hoffman’s Tootsie Tears: Let’s Stop Congratulating Men for Discovering That Sexism Exists

Ding dong! Here I am, ruining everyone’s fun again.

Thanks Tylerrrrr!

3 Notes

About the larger picture, I’m mystified. Our racial bigotry has often been tied to the ignorance abetted by unfamiliarity, our homophobia to a failure to realize how many gay people we know and respect. Well, women are in the next cubicle, across the dinner table, on the other side of the bed. Almost every man has a mother he has known and probably cared about; most also have a wife, daughter, sister, aunt or niece as well. Our stubborn sexism harms and holds back them, not strangers. Still it survives.

17 Notes

Why isn’t “no” enough?

Last week, I was approached on the street. Not catcalled, but approached — this guy actually pulled at the crook of my arm from behind me, even though I had sunglasses on, my earbuds in, was holding an umbrella, and was booking it down the street because I was running late to meet a friend. He opened with a dumb question — “Excuse me, where’s Union and Fifth Avenue?” I pointed at the intersection behind me that I’d just passed and said, “Uh, that’s it right there.” He said, “Oh, I know, because I work here,” and went on to compliment my appearance, saying I was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen, and then asked if he could take me out for a drink.

I smiled and said thank you, but no, I have a boyfriend (true).

He pushed right past that, squinted, and challenged, “Oh yeah, well, how long have you been together?” Like if we’d been together only a few months you think you might have a shot, or — what? Or do you just want to make sure I’m not giving the ol’ “boyfriend excuse”?

I said “Nine years, actually” (also true), and he eventually backed down, but not gently, saying we should come see him at the bar where he works.

I mean, dude, do I have to PROVE it to you somehow? Want me to, I don’t know, show you a picture of us together? Explain the story behind the umbrella I’m carrying since he gave it to me as a gift the first year we started dating? Because you can’t simply take me at my word — or better yet, shouldn’t ANY reaction a woman has that communicates “No” be enough?

I am a person first. Just because I have a nice ass that looks good in the tight dress I was wearing doesn’t mean — well, honestly, it doesn’t mean shit, to start with. If I wanted it to mean something, in a certain context and with my consent, it could. But it should mean absolutely nothing to you, complete stranger on the street, who had the audacity to grab at my arm like a toddler. Sure, look if you want, and appreciate it if you like, that’s fine — I’m not going to pretend men don’t look at women — but go on with your day.

I was pissed off for a while, but after about a bottle’s worth of rosé at the bar with my friend, the irritation and indignation fell away. I had bigger issues to talk about. But I remembered the feeling again today.


20518 Notes

G R I M E S: I don't want to have to compromise my morals in order to make a living


i dont want my words to be taken out of context

i dont want to be infantilized because i refuse to be sexualized

i dont want to be molested at shows or on the street by people who perceive me as an object that exists for their personal satisfaction

i dont want to live in a world where…

2951 Notes

This. Now.: This is a specific moment



Tell it, Alex Fernie. Read it, rest of y’all. 

PS: if these guys had stolen a drunk girl’s wallet, spent all her money, and then bragged about it on camera and in text messages, I’m pretty sure they’d be charged with theft. I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be arguing about the definition of theft, or whether the penalty for theft is an appropriate thing to deal out. We know we’re not supposed to take people’s wallets and spend their money, even if they’re very drunk. We do not live in a theft culture (except for huge banks, which, you know, one thing at a time). 


Thanks to disgusting and/or ignorant people like the Steubenville rapists, their enablers, Todd Akin, teems of moronic internet commenters, over 20 senators voting against VAWA, and a tragically tone deaf and clueless media, we are at a specific moment in this country where we’re talking about…


“The most insidious cruelty of rape is that still, in 2013, if you are the victim of a sexual assault, you carry a stigma. Too often you have to prove that no, you did not do anything to deserve it and no, you didn’t just “change your mind” after and no, men are not entitled to a women’s body just because. And if you don’t think that those are actual things that people believe well, then, you aren’t paying attention. Because those are exactly the sort of things that people have said in the aftermath of Steubenville.”

Thank you.


39 Notes



Welcome to CATCALLED, a collection of women’s stories about street harassment in New York City. For two weeks this August, eleven women in the city kept a log of their harassment experiences, and how the presence (or absence) of catcallers affected their actions. Their experiences may surprise you—they certainly surprised each other, and at times, even the participants themselves.

Street harassment is a tricky issue. Its interpretation is almost entirely subjective, and the experience of it can range from violated and frustrated to annoyed. Harassment itself is hard to define, as well. What’s the difference between harassment, a catcall, flirtation, and a compliment? At the same time, it’s difficult to argue that sexual harassment is anything but an unfair burden placed on women in urban spaces, and one that can be incessant and invasive.

Part of the story of this project has been discovering that most women have found a way to deal with harassment on a regular basis. Even if an individual woman may feel that the status quo is acceptable, she is usually able to point to precautions she takes to feel safe as a woman. Even if an individual woman feels flattered by catcalling, she can probably point to a situation in which she felt extremely vulnerable due to catcalling—probably as a young teenager. We believe that all women, in some way or another, have to grapple with objectification and safety in public spaces, whether that space is Central Park or Times Square.

CATCALLED is an attempt to give that struggle a voice. Over on the right you can see 11 different badges, one for each of our 11 participants. The women who wrote for this project live in four different boroughs and have a range of sexualities, ethnic backgrounds, and life experiences. There is no one place to start reading, no one person to focus on. Each participant has an introduction from me, giving you a sense of what you might get out of reading those entries; each woman has additionally highlighted her own entries, to reflect what she has found most valuable. After the project was over, all 11 participants responded to someone else’s logs for their exit interview, beginning a conversation about different experiences that we hope you continue. You can add to the dialogue by clicking respond. In addition to publishing questions, comments, and ideas on our blog, we will also be featuring readers’ daily logs—a single-day entry about street harassment. And of course, if you would like to contact us more directly, you can find out how to do that here.

We hope you get something out of this—men and women, in the city and out of it. We have learned a lot from beginning this dialogue, and we can’t wait to see how you respond.

Rad. Check this out.

207 Notes

But the country is changing. And this may be the last election in which anyone but a fool tries to play — on a national level, at least — the cards of racial exclusion, of immigrant fear, of the patronization of women and hegemony over their bodies, of self-righteous discrimination against homosexuals. Some in the Republican party and among the teabagged fringe will continue to play such losing hands for some time to come; this shit worked well in its day and distracted many from addressing any of our essential national issues. But again, if they play that weak-ass game past this point, they are fools.

America is different now, moreso with every election cycle. Ronald Reagan won his mandate in an America in which 89 percent of the voters were white. That number is down to 72 percent and falling. Fifty thousand new Latino citizens achieve the voting age every month. America will soon belong to the men and women — white and black and Latino and Asian, Christian and Jew and Muslim and atheist, gay and straight — who can comfortably walk into a room and accept with real comfort the sensation that they are in a world of certain difference, that there are no real majorities, only pluralities and coalitions. The America in which it was otherwise is dying, thank god, and those that relied on entitlement and division to command power will either be obliged to accept the changes, or retreat to whichever gated community from which they wish to wax nostalgic and brood on political irrelevance.

David Simon, creator of “The Wire” (via alexblagg)


(via thepathealy)


164 Notes

This isn’t the politically correct thing to say, but when we drove the mother out of the home into the workplace and replaced her with the television set, that was not a good thing.

U.S. Rep. Roscoe Bartlett, R-Md, speaking to the owner of an automotive service center during a campaign stop. (via officialssay)

Mr. Bartlett, please never say anything — “politically correct” or no — ever again. THANKS.

131 Notes